Lessons

Let It Be

"When I find myself in times of trouble [name] comforts me..."

This semester, I have found people who have comforted me. I feel very lucky that these people exist because without them I would have probably lead a bottle rocket life. Noisy, short, and insignificant.

If I keep up this pace, I can make a great firework display, but somehow, my favorite things on a dark night have always been sparklers...


The life of "SENKO HANABI" from machasan on Vimeo.

There's something comforting about that gentle light.

Next lesson..."Drive me to drinking (but please don't drink and drive)"

I have trouble getting my mind to slow down and shut up, and when things get overwhelming the anxiety can literally break my body. I remember, after WCD '10 that happened just last Friday, I could barely move. The effects were compounded as the day rolled on. My body was literally breaking down! I could barely get my legs to cooperate with me to move. Not to mention the pain I felt throughout my body. All of that sucked. Tyler came and picked me up, and while I knew there was so much left to do, I went to bed at 10 pm. I can't even remember what happened after Ty picked me up at 5 pm. I just knew I was a mess. It made me feel a lot better that he was there to hug me and there was something very comforting about his warmth. (My body was very cold and uncomfortable.) Ty helped bandage my limbs; everything was so painful, but the compression made me feel better. I slept through the night, and when I woke up, I could move again, but there was still some pain left.

Okay, so I hadn't realized how much the stress was affecting me until drinking became pleasant. I found out that for me it takes about one drink to take the edge off of things. (Hahaha.w. Geeze, I should write a blog dedicated to self medication...anyways.) While that's good, I really feel like I shouldn't drive myself that hard. My blood type is B+, my grades are about a B on average, and I think I should keep my outlook to that of a B. Which is to say, I should stop trying to be a type A.

"Bite off more than you can chew while eating an elephant..."

This semester, I really broke my "One day, one thing" rule. My grade for linear algebra is a direct result of that. That's the tricky thing about topics with thin presences; if they don't move, or try to grab my attention somehow, then I will forget about them. I was so overwhelmed, that even Google Calendars didn't work.

So, looking back and looking forward, I think that 19 credit hours next year will have to be reduced. I know there are some amazing people that seem to be able to do it all. For me, it's a bit mortifying to NOT be in that category, but relaxing is probably the hardest thing for me to learn. I should take care to protect the things that matter to me, and not get caught up in that feeling of not being able to do something. (Reactance?) Even if that means that I need to stay in school longer. (Which doesn't bother me at all!)

Anyways...I need to cut back. One day, One thing.